every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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