My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
