we're blogging at a bar
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
