Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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