I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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