and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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