The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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