Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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