Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
