and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
