this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
