just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
