he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
