I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
