Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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