I've blown a few things in my day
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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