Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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