Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I want her autograph on my taint
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
