You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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