Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
