It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
