next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There's always time for handjobs
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
