I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
