i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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