I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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