It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
