i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
