to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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