I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
