Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Your penis caused this!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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