why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
