I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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