if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
