just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize