The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
worst night to have a conscience
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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