she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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