After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
