And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
