Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
