You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
