new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
