6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
