watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
