he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
