He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
