whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
