I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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