oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
