I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
