you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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