Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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