I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
