Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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