I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
