I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize