I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
