No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
