Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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