Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
