I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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