i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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