just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
