there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
