new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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