at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize