Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize