4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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