so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
