hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
