PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
