I was born with a shot glass in my hand
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
