i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize