Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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