how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
