I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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