Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
