this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize