Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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