I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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