the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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