Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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