I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
