Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
