My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
