peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He passed out mid-signature
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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