if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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