He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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