I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
