I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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