i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize