I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
