Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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