oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
