Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
