can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
