Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
