just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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