I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if only i could text you this smell
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
