You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
