How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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