You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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