Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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